“I don’t want to come across as—”
“Argumentative?” My teacher finished my sentence for me.
Back in ninth grade, I was worried about how I was perceived. But since then, I’ve learned to embrace it. I love heated debates and finding holes in arguments—and I’ve been told many times that I come across as too argumentative or aggressive for it. But to me, speaking up is worth it. Advocating for myself and those around me means challenging the status quo and demanding attention for my ideas.
I understand why many girls hesitate before speaking up—self-doubt and the fear of judgment are powerful. Yet, silence costs more than being wrong ever will.
Even in a girls’ school, where we should feel empowered, we still face huge obstacles when it comes to breaking free from these ingrained patterns of self-censorship. It’s not that we lack ideas; it’s that we’ve been conditioned to question every word we speak. We often start with “I’m not sure, but…” or end our statements with an upward inflection, signaling that we’re unsure of our own ideas. But why? Why do we fear being wrong when everyone faces the same uncertainty? Our hesitation isn’t due to a lack of confidence, but because we feel expected to apologize for being certain.
These tendencies may seem minor, but they severely weaken our speech. While external barriers like “mansplaining” are frustrating, overcoming these barriers begins with overcoming our internal barriers—like hesitation and self-doubt. Breaking free from these habits starts now, in the sheltered environment of high school where we should be learning to communicate confidently.
But overcoming these habits isn’t just the responsibility of the girls who suffer from them—it’s also up to the authority figures in schools not to reinforce these patterns. Research shows that women face a double bind: we’re expected to be both assertive and likable, a balance most men never have to strike. When we praise girls for speaking with a “kind voice” over those who are more assertive, we send the message that it’s more important to be liked than to command attention. If we label girls as “argumentative” just for asking a question, we’re teaching them that their voices exist only to agree. If we dismiss girls with ideas for change and favor those willing to stick with the status quo, we reinforce the idea that their value lies in obedience.
Look at some of the impactful speeches by women: former Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard opened her iconic parliamentary speech in response to a motion from the misogynistic opposition leader, saying, “I will not be lectured about sexism and misogyny by this man. I will not.” Over the next 15 minutes, she continued to fearlessly point out the incompetencies of powerful men backed by evidence. In 2020, after being called a “f*****g b***h” by a male colleague, US Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez replied, saying “I am here because I have to show my parents that I am their daughter and that they did not raise me to accept abuse from men.” With this speech, she made it clear that she would not partake in the culture of women’s silence.
While some might point out that Julia Gillard’s or Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s positions of power enabled them to deliver such dauntless speeches, take a look at speeches delivered by teenagers, with nothing to back them but sheer courage. Emma Gonzalez was a senior in high school when she spoke out against gun violence, saying that they spent “long, tearful, chaotic hours in the scorching afternoon sun…not knowing” to over 800,000 people. Greta Thunberg was 16 when she candidly told the United Nations Climate Action Summit, “you are failing us.” And perhaps the most prominent of them all, Malala Yousafzai, who, at 16, called upon global governments to provide free education during her speech at the United Nations, saying “I want education for the sons and the daughters of all the extremists, especially the Taliban.”
We admire these powerful speakers, and our teachers display them as brilliant examples of changemakers. But none of these women accomplished anything by being “well-mannered,” by hesitating, or by striving to be perceived as likable. They embraced bold statements and exposed harsh truths, all without fearing retributions. They are the gold standard for actually challenging the status quo. They show us what happens when we speak without holding back.
We can’t always control how we’re perceived, but we can decide if what we believe in is worth speaking up for. Being labeled “easygoing” or “well-mannered” isn’t always a good thing, not when it comes at the cost of your voice. Being labeled “argumentative” or “difficult” can be a sign that you’re challenging the status quo—something we need more of in our world.
Don’t hesitate—commit. Seize platforms. Ditch the performative change. Welcome the jarring statements.
Raise your voice.
