From a young age, many young women, especially those educated in religious schools, are taught that they must embody love and kindness in all aspects of their lives. This is often presented as a noble ideal – to be selfless, to offer kindness without expectation, and to care deeply for others. However, as I have understood through my experiences, truly living a loving life goes far beyond these well-meaning teachings. It is not about gaining approval, seeking popularity, or performing good deeds for recognition. It is about cultivating a deep, resilient love for oneself and others, balanced with the wisdom to set boundaries and the courage to stand firm in one’s values.
As a young girl, I was never the popular one. In fact, I endured severe bullying for five years during my elementary and middle school years. It was a painful chapter that left me struggling to find my footing for many years. When I transferred to the International School of the Sacred Heart in 1980, I carried with me the unhealed wounds of that time – the self-doubt, the fear, the lingering trauma. It took the guidance of mental health professionals and the support of my family later in life to help me overcome the PTSD I had unknowingly carried into my teenage years. Despite this, I never allowed the cruelty of others to define my sense of worth. Instead, I found strength in my ability to rise above, persevere, and hold on to the possibility of kindness and compassion.
The all-girls educational environment I was fortunate enough to experience for 12 years shaped my understanding of what it means to live a loving life. I learned the importance of supporting my peers, finding strength in sisterhood, and building meaningful connections. Yet, living a loving life does not simply mean selfless giving. It requires discernment – recognizing when one’s generosity is taken for granted. This lesson was passed on to me through my mother, who had once been advised by a senior religious member of an international school, to always expect something in return when giving to others. At first, this seemed counterintuitive to the ideal of unconditional love, but with time, I came to appreciate the wisdom in this perspective. It is not a call to be transactional in our kindness but rather a reminder to value oneself enough not to be depleted by others.
As a transformational business coach today, I work with women who often struggle with their sense of value, caught in cycles of seeking approval from others. I have seen firsthand how this quest for validation can lead to deep distress and a profound loss of self-worth. These women often come to me believing they have lost their way, overwhelmed by life’s challenges, and uncertain of their place in the world. They prove that living a loving life must begin with a deep, unshakable respect for one’s worth. Without this foundation, the wellspring of love we offer others can quickly run dry.
Living a loving life also means setting boundaries, even with those closest to us. This can be a harrowing lesson, but it is essential. I have experienced firsthand the deep hurt when a sibling or a friend repeatedly undermines one’s achievements or diminishes one’s worth. In such moments, stepping back – to protect one’s peace – is not selfish but an affirmation of self-respect. It is a way of honoring your love for yourself and recognizing that true love cannot exist without mutual respect.
My family has been my most outstanding teachers in this regard. My French grandmother, a WWII widow who worked until the last days of her life, lived a loving life through her dedication to family and students. My mother, a dedicated piano teacher for over four decades, instilled in me the value of lifelong learning and the importance of standing up for oneself. My father, a self-made businessman who began working at 14 to support his family, taught me the power of perseverance and integrity. Through their examples, I learned that living a loving life does not always require leaving a legacy but rather living with integrity, compassion, and a steadfast commitment to one’s principles.
Living a loving life is not about grand gestures or public recognition. It is about being present in the lives of those you care about, offering kindness where you can, and finding contentment in the quiet, often unseen acts of love that shape our relationships. It is about having the courage to set boundaries, protect one’s heart, and continue growing in compassion and strength, no matter what life brings.
As I look back on my life, I am reminded that the people who truly live a loving life find peace in their hearts, strength in their convictions, and joy in being present for others. They do not seek to be remembered but rather to leave the world a little kinder for being part of it.
This is the essence of living a loving life.